Jokes

1.

Jokes
Irony / Sarcasm / Wit

2.

1. I work 40 hours a week for me to be this poor.
2. “Among all forms of absurd courage, the courage of girls is
outstanding. Otherwise there would be far fewer marriages.” Colette

3.

What is a Joke?
A: So, John, how’s that, how’s that gorgeous girlfriend of yours??
B: She’s no longer my girlfriend
…………….

4.

A: Oh dear. Still, I wouldn’t get too gloomy about it. Rumor has it she
never stopped bonking old Toby de Lisle just in case you didn’t work out.
B: She’s now my wife!?
A: Excellent! Excellent! Congratulations!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwjFjqOP1xI
Rumour Has It https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1G3jmtoOfk

5.

My GPS told me to turn
around.

6.

Now I can’t see where I’m
driving.

7.

Translatable
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good
dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions
and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce
from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that
the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I
suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can
see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant
part of the universe.” “But what does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is
silent for a moment…
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

8.

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when
he passed a policeman who said, “Now, now young lad, I think you had
better take that monkey the zoo.” The next day, the boy was walking
down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed
the same policeman. The policeman said, “Hey there, I thought I told
you to take that monkey to the zoo!” The boy answered, “I did! Today
I’m taking him to the cinema.”

9.

Untranslatable
1. Language (Grammar, Pronunciation, Synonymy, Multiple Meanings)
2. Culture
Дети до пятилетнего возраста проходят в цирк на руках.
Children under the age of five may walk into the circus on their
hands.
Children under the age of five may be carried into the circus in a
parent’s arms.

10.

Штирлиц погладил кошку, кошка сдохла. “Странно” — подумал
Штирлиц, поплевав на утюг.

11.

James Bond was pressing the Enter key when it suddenly caught
fire and melted. “That’s strange,” thought Bond, spitting on the hot
iron.

12.

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, “A beer for me, and one
for the giraffe, please.” So they proceed to drink. Then: “…a shot for me
and one for the giraffe, too.” And they keep drinking all evening. Finally
the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays for the drinks
and gets up to leave. The bartender shouts out, “Hey! You’re not going
to leave that lying on the floor, are you?” The guy replies “That’s not a
lion… it’s a giraffe.”

13.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says: “Do you
know how to drive this thing?