Recent studies show that using smartphones has changed

1.

Введение +
Recent studies show that using smartphones has changed.
While doing my own project on what people use their
smartphones for in Zetland , I found some relevant data to
find out more about it . As part of the essay, I am going to
analyze this data and express my opinion on the issue .
1) my own project - own здесь может выйти как
логическая или лексическая неточность
2) на самом деле работа не essay и не report поэтому
не советую на практике применять
3) the issue если есть возможность точнее определите
the issue (the subject/ the problem) – the changes in using
smartphones/ the reasons for using smartphones

2.

2 параграф +
According to the data,people in Zetland use
phones for different purposes . The vast
majority of the respondents use them for
sending emails and making phone calls.
Although phones (smartphones) are the least
used to pay for purchases ,surfing the internet
and playing games also should not be
discounted (в этом предложении логику
стоит проверить)

3.

Параграф 3+To my delight, 79 % and 78% of those surveyed use
phones for sending emails and making phone
calls. By contrast, “surfing the internet” and
“playing games” are preferred by a lower
proportion of the respondents(58% and 48% , to be
exact). The percentage of those who choose
“paying for purchases” is visually lower , making up
15%. (ниже чем ___ сравнения как такового
неполная информация)
Кавычки по пунктуации – автор не цитирует
текст другого автора
На мой взгляд 2 и 3 параграфы не отличаются –
факты и сравнения миксуются

4.

Параграф 4
For the time being, people in Zetland are tend to waste
almost the whole time using smartphones and in
comparison with the last decade, the number of users has
increased (- данный пункт по аспекту 1 не проходит –
мы не сравниваем временной период) The problem is
that today’s people are addicted to phones (точность)
and that addiction leads to numerous disorders and
diseases.S imultaneously,our lives are closely connected
with gadgets and in order to avoid detrimental influence
on our health, in my opinion, the best solution is to cut
down on using smartphones and spend more time on
reading, taking up some hobbies and etc.-92
Почему в тексте появляется связь с гаджетами ?

5.

Параграф 5 + In
conclusion, I think smartphones play a
vital role in our daily lives, but we should
concentrate the attention on other
activities too. –
Автор
принимает две позиции –
activities and smartphones разные
понятия
Возможен даже минус